So you suspect that you might be bisexual. That’s great! First off, I’m super happy for you, and I hope you look forward to your journey of discovery. I’ve known that I’m bisexual for at least five years now, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
But along my journey, I’ve gotten stuck and confused many times. Am I gay? Am I straight? Is it friendship or attraction? And often, bisexuals feel like they need to fit into a box, or like they need to prove their bisexuality to their friends and family.
Bisexuality allows you to love whoever you want to love without any borders. But with so many choices (and with many people not understanding bisexuality and its infinite manifestations), it can feel overwhelming, confusing, and even frustrating.
After taking time to reflect on my experience, my insecurities, and greatest joys while being bisexual, I present to you:
HOW TO BE PROUDLY BISEXUAL (AND KIND OF UNDERSTAND IT)
- Self Discovery
First realizing you’re bisexual can definitely be confusing. Or if you’ve felt like you need to fit into a box, it can feel scary. But coming to terms with your bisexuality will change you for the better, and open you up to many discoveries about yourself and others.
Something I will say repeatedly in this article is that bisexuality is fluid. It’s not 50/50. The people and things you like romantically and sexually can stay open and flexible, and no one should be holding you to any standards. So with this in mind, how does bisexuality manifest in you?
Everyone brings different things to the table, and you might want to think about (or even write down) the things you are attracted to in a person. Bisexuality gives you the chance to think about why you rule out certain traits in a person vs the traits that are just irresistible.
There are no hard set rules about being bisexual, and as more people discover that they lean more than one way, the understanding (and my understanding) is that bisexuality is fluid. Your attractions will look and feel differently than your friends and partners, and that doesn’t make you any less valid.
Just take discovery at your own pace. Stay open to the different possibilities of dating, sex, attraction and love. Embrace who you uniquely are, and your path will be clear.
So in summary: bisexuality is fluid, and no one can tell you you aren’t bisexual because you don’t check off certain boxes.
- Testing the Waters
So quarantine maybe had you thinking: am I bisexual? (Here’s a link to a TikTok compilation if you want to know what I’m talking about)
But at the time I’m writing this, unfortunately, figuring it all out is a little difficult. How can you KNOW if you’re bisexual if you can barely even meet up with people in the first place?
Well that’s just the trick, you can’t ever really KNOW. Pandemic or not, bisexuality gives you that freedom of unknowing. Someone new could come across your path when you least expect it.
DON’T FREAK OUT. It may feel like you’ve never met anyone, or you never will. But trust me, that is never the case. You have so much time, and so many new options babe. And if you don’t know, that’s okay. Be open, be yourself and of course, be safe.
But the key to understanding your bisexuality is really this: you may never feel the same way about various people.
When experiencing dating, sex, romantic attraction, etc., you will most likely feel differently for everyone you meet. This allows you to think about your relationships (romantic and platonic) in a broader, more universal way.
So be open to your options, and don’t think you need to fit into a box. Love who you love, and that’s enough.
- Platonic or Romantic?
Pft I don’t totally know the answer to this ever. How is it possible that after being friends with someone for so many years that I’m suddenly in love with them? How is it possible that who I thought was a romantic interest is now a friend?
My guiding principle through all these confusing questions has been this – how am I really feeling? Here are some queries to help you out. (These questions can truly be applied to any sexual preference, which makes it great for us bisexuals.)
- Is it romantic attraction, or just boredom?
- What are the qualities I find attractive in this person, and how do they relate to my romantic/sexual wants and needs?
- Is the reason I’m interested in them because they’re interested in me?
- Do I feel confident in saying no? Do I feel confident in saying yes?
- Do people expect me to like this person romantically/sexually?
- Could I really have a romantic/sexual relationship with this person?
- Do they give me butterflies?
- Do they appear in your mind almost constantly? Or only when someone brings them up?
Apply relevant questions to your situation and where you’re at presently, and see what thought process it provokes! These questions are not to discourage your discovery, they are meant to dig deeper into confusing platonic vs romantic relationships.
The answers to this questions may change, or you may discover that a platonic relationship can be romantic/sexual. Just follow your gut, and what feels right for you.
Just remember, bisexuality is fluid, and circumstances change with where you are at in your life. Stay open to the possibilities!
- Challenge Perception
An essential step in understanding your bisexuality is challenging what you previously thought bisexuality was, and expand upon that idea. Formulate what bisexuality means to you.
You may come across people who doubt you are bisexual by the way you look, the way you love, or the way you come across. But that does not take away a single OUNCE of who you know that you are (even if you’re figuring it out, we all are).
Challenge the idea of what a “bisexual person” is, or what they look like or what they’re interested in. And when people are ready, ask them to challenge their perceptions as well.
Us as bisexuals make the world a more loving, empathetic place by just being our authentic selves. So go spread that love babe.
- Claim Your Space
Once you’ve done some pondering and some revolutionary acts of love, it’s time to claim your space.
Ask that person on a date. Join a LGBTQ+ group. And if you are safe, able and comfortable, tell some loved ones when the time is right.
Just by being you, you’ve created so much more love in the world. Now go have some fun, and maybe even fall in love. Just Do You.
More resources regarding bisexuality: